sitting in wonder

I’m sitting in the airport looking, watching, spying…wondering who I’m going to sit by and if that person will be fun and engaging, entertaining, fascinating, overly talkative or quiet, or worst of all, have bad breath!
Do you ever wonder? Are you curious? I am. All the time.
I wonder…what’s going to happen this year. Will I move to a new house? When? Who will die? How? Who will inhale their first breath in this world? What will her/his name be? Who will I meet? How will they impact my life. Will they? What friendships will I make? What friends will turn away? What will spring be like? Will summer be hot? How will my children grow and change and tire and surprise me? How many glorious date nights will I have with my love? How will I emerge into my femininity? My giftedness? My fears? How will I seek and listen and be moved by God? How will my heart sink? Soar? Will I love well? Will I be a better version of me by December 31? In what ways?
I find myself constantly wondering. That switch in my head is “on,” spinning with questions, wanting to know.
There’s something our fascinating minds and longing hearts desperately want…we want to know. Why is that? If we actually knew what was coming our way, how would that change us? Would it?
To be prepared, to be ready…would that really, REALLY alter our lives that much? Would it smash what comes with anticipation? Would it eliminate our anxiety? Would it dissolve the mystery? Would it make us better people? Would it?
The suspense, the anticipation, the curiosity…could it, if we allowed it, create something – birth something – new in us? If we lost our sense of wonder, our smallness, our humanity, what would grow numb in us? What would become stale and stagnant in us? What would die in us?
As much as I love spontaneous, unexpected and unplanned moments, I confess that I’m one of those people who loves (maybe needs) “to know.” Somehow, some way, it makes me feel settled inside.
But, I’m learning that it’s not really in the knowing.
There’s something good and true and profound in that space “in between” the information, the experiences, the seasons of life. But if I don’t enter into that liminal space, I’ll miss it. I’ll miss what I’m supposed to (get to) know, discover, experience…become. And for the rare times that I’ve actually sat in that space and actually embraced the quiet, the unknown, the questions rather than shoving my way through them, I can say that it’s blown me away. It’s been in those hours and days and years that I’ve been surprised the most…the most by God.
Now, those are the kind of moments that have really, REALLY changed me.
So, I’m wondering (see, there I go again), what it might mean for me, for you, for us, to be the kind of people who allow the wonder of the unknown to blow our hair back.
Let’s not miss what we don’t know.
And on a side note…my plane is about to land and the passenger next to me? She slept the entire flight. I love surprises like that!

6 thoughts on “sitting in wonder

  1. Carissa, I can really relate to your sense of wonder and curiosity – especially when it involves other people and what the future holds for my life! I actually had a similar train of thought last week. Part of me wondered how much longer I will be in my current job… and if I will survive. I know. Dramatic. But some days I really feel like I cannot face another day at my workplace. I began to think, “Wow. If I just knew how much longer it would be, then I could make it. I would have an end in sight.” But then I realized that it would take away the anticipation and excitement as you mentioned. I realized, I like NOT KNOWING. It’s almost like watching a movie and knowing everything that is going to happen before it happens – I would venture to assume it is never as thrilling as it was that first time of viewing it, of living through it.

    Some days I wish I knew the future, but overall, I am so thankful for His surprises!

  2. In my personal experience, to not “know” forces me to pursue the ONE who does…..and ideally not so for the answers, but instead the certainty that comes from just being in His presence. All else seems insignificant. The best things I’ve learned in life have come in moments when I knew the least. It has been my very lack of knowledge that has birthed wisdom.
    I will also say though, that curious people are often wise people. The desire to learn makes one a teachable student in life. It’s easy to miss a lot of joys in life when you think you’ve got it all figured out!

    • i love how God is teaching you in this season of waiting. trusting that he will reveal more of himself to you, girl…cause he loves you THAT much!

  3. Carissa, I love the concept of letting the unknown “blow our hair back.” I’m going to work on that i think! Embracing and even enjoying the moments filled with the unknown rather than trying to fill in with knowledge as quickly as possible.
    I absolutely loved hearing you speak at C4C. What a blessing you are!

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