I’m sitting in the airport looking, watching, spying…wondering who I’m going to sit by and if that person will be fun and engaging, entertaining, fascinating, overly talkative or quiet, or worst of all, have bad breath!
Do you ever wonder? Are you curious? I am. All the time.
I wonder…what’s going to happen this year. Will I move to a new house? When? Who will die? How? Who will inhale their first breath in this world? What will her/his name be? Who will I meet? How will they impact my life. Will they? What friendships will I make? What friends will turn away? What will spring be like? Will summer be hot? How will my children grow and change and tire and surprise me? How many glorious date nights will I have with my love? How will I emerge into my femininity? My giftedness? My fears? How will I seek and listen and be moved by God? How will my heart sink? Soar? Will I love well? Will I be a better version of me by December 31? In what ways?
I find myself constantly wondering. That switch in my head is “on,” spinning with questions, wanting to know.
There’s something our fascinating minds and longing hearts desperately want…we want to know. Why is that? If we actually knew what was coming our way, how would that change us? Would it?
To be prepared, to be ready…would that really, REALLY alter our lives that much? Would it smash what comes with anticipation? Would it eliminate our anxiety? Would it dissolve the mystery? Would it make us better people? Would it?
The suspense, the anticipation, the curiosity…could it, if we allowed it, create something – birth something – new in us? If we lost our sense of wonder, our smallness, our humanity, what would grow numb in us? What would become stale and stagnant in us? What would die in us?
As much as I love spontaneous, unexpected and unplanned moments, I confess that I’m one of those people who loves (maybe needs) “to know.” Somehow, some way, it makes me feel settled inside.
But, I’m learning that it’s not really in the knowing.
There’s something good and true and profound in that space “in between” the information, the experiences, the seasons of life. But if I don’t enter into that liminal space, I’ll miss it. I’ll miss what I’m supposed to (get to) know, discover, experience…become. And for the rare times that I’ve actually sat in that space and actually embraced the quiet, the unknown, the questions rather than shoving my way through them, I can say that it’s blown me away. It’s been in those hours and days and years that I’ve been surprised the most…the most by God.
Now, those are the kind of moments that have really, REALLY changed me.
So, I’m wondering (see, there I go again), what it might mean for me, for you, for us, to be the kind of people who allow the wonder of the unknown to blow our hair back.
Let’s not miss what we don’t know.
And on a side note…my plane is about to land and the passenger next to me? She slept the entire flight. I love surprises like that!